It's so funny how there are moments in my daily life when I stop, look at myself and internally giggle for realizing I've achieved my "dream." You see, ever since I was a little kid, my dream has been to be a mom. A dinner-making, laundry-folding, carpool-running mom. And there are moments when I stop and think, "Oh my gosh. I'm here. I did it."
My book club (of which I'm the only stay-at-home mom) met last night. We read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I have to admit, I wasn't interested in the book, the conversation, or the ideas behind it. Her argument that more women need to be in more powerful positions in the world, hire nannies, make more money and stop conforming to gender stereotypes didn't appeal to me. And I'll tell you why... I don't want to be powerful. Or hire a nanny. Or make more money. I want to be exactly where I am... having a dance party with my son for the eighth time because he thinks it's hilarious. That is success.
I'm tired of the mommy wars. I'm tired of people judging me for "giving up" a career to stay at home. I'm tired of my working mom friends feeling like they need to defend their decision about going back to work. I'm tired of reading blog posts where moms have to defend their choices. I'm just tired of it. So instead of diving deeper into my thoughts and feelings on the subject, let me leave with you some food for thought.
Literally.
I've made some amazing and easy recipes lately and I want to share them! I whipped out the Crock Pot about a month ago when the temperatures dipped below 70 and I decided it was Fall. I made this delicious taco soup, this awesome tortilla soup, this yummy version of chicken chili, and this delicious queso for a special football Saturday. They were all delicious and I was able to freeze leftovers for each (other than the queso).
I'm planning to make these vegetarian enchiladas this week, too. And let me tell you, I'm pretty darn excited and proud that this is how I'll be spending my evening one day this week. At home, barefoot in the kitchen.
A Dose of Happiness
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
Time for an Update
I'm alive! It's true! I have no idea who is still out there reading this, but if you are, I think it's time for an update.
I'm not sure how to explain my absence on the blog. There is no concrete reason I stopped writing. In a way, it gave me some time to actually focus on life and stop worrying about documenting every single thing. Instead of thinking, "oooh I need a picture of this for the blog!" I felt more engaged in the moment during every day events and special occasions. But, I do miss writing and connecting with the people I've met through this blog. And, I miss documenting the adorableness that is Campbell. So, I'm back. Here we go. (Be warned... this may be long!)
Okay so let's start with a little Campbell update. He's turning two next weekend. Yes. TWO! I honestly don't know where the last year went, but he's grown into this independent, spunky little guy who has more personality than I know what to do with. He's still obsessed with cars and trucks and can name almost every construction vehicle, type of truck and car you never knew existed. He's really smart and it sometimes freaks me and Rick out. He has a crazy memory. In the last month, he's become very musical and will sing a whole list of songs. Some of his favorites are "Happy Birthday", a couple of Elmo songs from a video he's watched, "Roar" by Katy Perry (no joke), and the ABCs. He has a ton of energy and loves to run, jump and climb on everything. He's all boy. He's still my picky eater. It hasn't gotten worse since the last time I wrote at 18 months old, but it hasn't necessarily improved. He refuses to touch meat. I hid a teeny-tiny piece of hot dog in his lunch one day and you would have thought he had tasted poison. It was traumatic, and I haven't tried since. He eats something from every food group and takes a multi-vitamin every day so I'm not worried about his nutrition (especially since he is still a very big kid). But it's frustrating and I am trying to just let it be instead of fighting it.
He's typicality he passive kid you see in the sandbox who will stare down another kid with a toy but won't every swipe it from him. He's also very mild tempered and doesn't get angry or mad when other kids bother him or steal from him. (Except his cousin Izzy, in which case he's become quite assertive. I think it's because they have grown up together and they act more like brother and sister). I'm grateful for his self-control and the rarity of tantrums. I think because he's so verbal, he's pretty good at telling us what he needs and gets less frustrated than other two-year olds who may have a harder time communicating.
Needless to say, that doesn't mean we haven't had some very real glimpses into the Terrible Twos. Mainly, he wants to do a lot of things his way. He likes telling us, "NO!" to just about any question or command we give him. He doesn't like to transition from activities (i.e., leaving the park). But it's not as bad as it could be, and I keep reminding myself of that. He's still my rock star sleeper and I am so beyond grateful for that. Still taking a 2-3 hour nap daily and sleeping 11 hours at night (usually 8 pm-7 am).
However, sleep is something I've been struggling with lately. Why? Because of this...
Yup. We are pregnant. I'm 18 weeks along right now, and yes we will be finding out the gender. That's scheduled for the week before Thanksgiving!
Oh, and we just bought a house. In the suburbs.
Talk about a lot going on at once. For someone like me who likes to plan, overanalyze, think, plan some more and then re-evaluate those plans, it's been a whirlwind and I've been losing a little sleep over all of it. Add on some pregnancy insomnia, and let's just say I'm very grateful that HGTV plays House Hunters at 2 am.
But aside from the worrying and planning and minor panic attacks when I think about having two kids and listing our condo and packing and unpacking and sleep deprivation... we are so beyond excited about expanding our family and moving into a house that we will raise our children in.
This house needs a lot of TLC but it's in the perfect place in the perfect school district. Actually our kids will go to the school I used to teach at, which is crazy to think about it. We didn't seek that out, but it happened and I'm sticking with the motto, "things happen for a reason." We hope to close December 17, and start some major renovations the next day. Right now we are interviewing contractors and coming up with plans and ideas. Our hope is to move into the new house at the beginning of March. We may just drop off our boxes on the way to Labor and Delivery!
So that's what's new. And so much more... so glad to be back.
I'm not sure how to explain my absence on the blog. There is no concrete reason I stopped writing. In a way, it gave me some time to actually focus on life and stop worrying about documenting every single thing. Instead of thinking, "oooh I need a picture of this for the blog!" I felt more engaged in the moment during every day events and special occasions. But, I do miss writing and connecting with the people I've met through this blog. And, I miss documenting the adorableness that is Campbell. So, I'm back. Here we go. (Be warned... this may be long!)
Okay so let's start with a little Campbell update. He's turning two next weekend. Yes. TWO! I honestly don't know where the last year went, but he's grown into this independent, spunky little guy who has more personality than I know what to do with. He's still obsessed with cars and trucks and can name almost every construction vehicle, type of truck and car you never knew existed. He's really smart and it sometimes freaks me and Rick out. He has a crazy memory. In the last month, he's become very musical and will sing a whole list of songs. Some of his favorites are "Happy Birthday", a couple of Elmo songs from a video he's watched, "Roar" by Katy Perry (no joke), and the ABCs. He has a ton of energy and loves to run, jump and climb on everything. He's all boy. He's still my picky eater. It hasn't gotten worse since the last time I wrote at 18 months old, but it hasn't necessarily improved. He refuses to touch meat. I hid a teeny-tiny piece of hot dog in his lunch one day and you would have thought he had tasted poison. It was traumatic, and I haven't tried since. He eats something from every food group and takes a multi-vitamin every day so I'm not worried about his nutrition (especially since he is still a very big kid). But it's frustrating and I am trying to just let it be instead of fighting it.
He's typicality he passive kid you see in the sandbox who will stare down another kid with a toy but won't every swipe it from him. He's also very mild tempered and doesn't get angry or mad when other kids bother him or steal from him. (Except his cousin Izzy, in which case he's become quite assertive. I think it's because they have grown up together and they act more like brother and sister). I'm grateful for his self-control and the rarity of tantrums. I think because he's so verbal, he's pretty good at telling us what he needs and gets less frustrated than other two-year olds who may have a harder time communicating.
Needless to say, that doesn't mean we haven't had some very real glimpses into the Terrible Twos. Mainly, he wants to do a lot of things his way. He likes telling us, "NO!" to just about any question or command we give him. He doesn't like to transition from activities (i.e., leaving the park). But it's not as bad as it could be, and I keep reminding myself of that. He's still my rock star sleeper and I am so beyond grateful for that. Still taking a 2-3 hour nap daily and sleeping 11 hours at night (usually 8 pm-7 am).
However, sleep is something I've been struggling with lately. Why? Because of this...
Yup. We are pregnant. I'm 18 weeks along right now, and yes we will be finding out the gender. That's scheduled for the week before Thanksgiving!
Oh, and we just bought a house. In the suburbs.
Talk about a lot going on at once. For someone like me who likes to plan, overanalyze, think, plan some more and then re-evaluate those plans, it's been a whirlwind and I've been losing a little sleep over all of it. Add on some pregnancy insomnia, and let's just say I'm very grateful that HGTV plays House Hunters at 2 am.
But aside from the worrying and planning and minor panic attacks when I think about having two kids and listing our condo and packing and unpacking and sleep deprivation... we are so beyond excited about expanding our family and moving into a house that we will raise our children in.
This house needs a lot of TLC but it's in the perfect place in the perfect school district. Actually our kids will go to the school I used to teach at, which is crazy to think about it. We didn't seek that out, but it happened and I'm sticking with the motto, "things happen for a reason." We hope to close December 17, and start some major renovations the next day. Right now we are interviewing contractors and coming up with plans and ideas. Our hope is to move into the new house at the beginning of March. We may just drop off our boxes on the way to Labor and Delivery!
So that's what's new. And so much more... so glad to be back.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
18 Month Stats
Just wanted to document Campbell's 18 month stats from our doctor's visit last week.
Height: 32 in (50%ile)
Weight: 28 lbs 5 oz (90%ile)
Head Circumference: 50%ile
Dr. T was so happy to see the little mister. She said his speech is at the level of a two-year old and encouraged us to continue challenging him because he's a smarty pants. She also encouraged us to buy Cam a play doctor set so that he can begin to role play about the doctor in hopes that at his two year check up he won't be so freaked out by stethoscopes, etc. since he has acquired some pretty irrational fears lately (hello, vacuum!) I thought it was a great piece of advice for moms of toddlers. I never would have thought of it myself. I did decide to get a dermatologist referral because the poor kid is constantly itching and a new rash seems to pop up every week, so hopefully we can get some answers soon.
Overall, he's a very happy, very healthy little boy with a personality that oozes from every pore. Here are some recent pictures of the little guy.
Height: 32 in (50%ile)
Weight: 28 lbs 5 oz (90%ile)
Head Circumference: 50%ile
Dr. T was so happy to see the little mister. She said his speech is at the level of a two-year old and encouraged us to continue challenging him because he's a smarty pants. She also encouraged us to buy Cam a play doctor set so that he can begin to role play about the doctor in hopes that at his two year check up he won't be so freaked out by stethoscopes, etc. since he has acquired some pretty irrational fears lately (hello, vacuum!) I thought it was a great piece of advice for moms of toddlers. I never would have thought of it myself. I did decide to get a dermatologist referral because the poor kid is constantly itching and a new rash seems to pop up every week, so hopefully we can get some answers soon.
Overall, he's a very happy, very healthy little boy with a personality that oozes from every pore. Here are some recent pictures of the little guy.
Little Miss Iz takes such good care of him...
My little diva
Kid literally gets into everything.
His Happy Place
Heart Melter
Enjoying his half-birthday cake... a lot!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Eighteen Months
Dearest Campbell,
I can hardly say the words... you are eighteen months old! One and a half years! I know I say this every time I write to you, but I can not believe how fast the time is flying. I truly can't. It makes my heart swell and my eyes tear up all at the same time.
The past few months have been busy! You had an extra long visit from Nanny and she loved on you every minute she was here. You traveled to Florida for Passover, Austin to celebrate Poppy, Atlanta to cheer on the Michigan basketball team, and in two weeks you'll be going up north to visit Nanny at "camp"! You are a jet setter.
As the sun has started to shine more, you have loved being outside. You love to run up the street with your chalk and make marks along the sidewalk, you love playing at the park and in the sandbox, you love bubbles and swinging and playing in the water. Oh how you love the water. You could stay in the pool all day if we let you! You still love everything trucks and cars, but in the last few months, you have found a new obsession -- buses. You love school buses, city buses, tourist buses, all buses! It's adorable how you say, "buuuuusssss!" every time you see one. You are still an avid reader, and regularly grab books and plop yourself on our laps and say, "read." Your favorite books right now are Little Pookie books and any book with cars and trucks, of course! You love playing with stickers and climbing on everything you can. You are on the go all day long!
If I had to name one ultimate goal in raising you, it would be that you would grow up to be kind. Of course I want you to be smart, and handsome and athletic and brave, but above all else I want you to always be kind. And I can absolutely say that you already are such a sweet, gentle and loving little boy.You say please ("peas") and thank you ("hank ooo") often and occasionally say it unprompted. You share your toys very well with other kids, and are very sensitive to your own and others' feelings. Sometimes, you come up to me and quietly say, "snuggle?!" and bury your head in my shoulder. You have such a big heart for such a little boy. It's the most amazing thing to watch.
You are also still quite the talker. You talk a lot. You love to name objects and animals as you see them all day long. It's not unusual for me to hear you in the car saying, "bus! doggie! plane! car!" And I just smile. You are also still so curious. Everything you see you want to know what it is. You shout, "oooh wha dis!?!" and you don't stop until we explain whatever it is.
And in the eating department, well we have made some big progress! You still love all your regular foods (avocado, plain pasta, fruits, cheese, tomatoes, etc.) but you've also expanded your palette in the last few weeks. You now eat waffles for breakfast, you love bell peppers, and you eat mac and cheese -- hot!! You are also mastering the use of the fork, and boy are you proud when you get that fork in your mouth with some food on it. It's adorable.
While the last few months have been predictable, routine and really smooth overall, there have been a few challenges that we have faced as we do with every phase. You have entered a pretty intense fear stage where certain people (usually men with beards or hats) and certain things (vacuum cleaners, blow dryers, etc.) cause you to cry uncontrollably and bury your head into me. In the last few weeks, you have made huge progress though and I think you're starting to slowly overcome some of these fears. It's all very normal, but it's sad for me to watch.
You've also discovered that you have opinions and you like control, which means you have learned how to throw a tantrum. Sometimes you get very frustrated with me and just yell at the top of your lungs because that's the only way you know how to communicate with me that you are mad. Sometimes you flail yourself on the floor and I just have to walk away until you calm down enough for a hug. Luckily, you listen well and generally recover quickly from these moments, but it's not to say they are fun or easy.
The last challenge we are battling is kind of funny because it really just shows how smart you are. You see, you've realized that when you throw Mo out of the crib when it's time to go to bed, Mommy or Daddy will come in and give him back to you. So this nightly ritual has become a fun game for you. You only do it once or twice, but you do it every single night. Thankfully, once you fall asleep, you are still a rock star sleeper. These days you fall asleep around 8:00 pm and wake up around 7:00 am. You nap from 1:00-3:30 and sometimes 4:00!
Campbell, it's impossible for me to write down how much I love you. It's impossible to describe to you how full you have made my life. Our days together aren't always glamorous, and they aren't always exciting. But, Buddy, they are the best days of my life.
I love you to the moon and back, always and forever.
Love,
Mommy
I can hardly say the words... you are eighteen months old! One and a half years! I know I say this every time I write to you, but I can not believe how fast the time is flying. I truly can't. It makes my heart swell and my eyes tear up all at the same time.
The past few months have been busy! You had an extra long visit from Nanny and she loved on you every minute she was here. You traveled to Florida for Passover, Austin to celebrate Poppy, Atlanta to cheer on the Michigan basketball team, and in two weeks you'll be going up north to visit Nanny at "camp"! You are a jet setter.
As the sun has started to shine more, you have loved being outside. You love to run up the street with your chalk and make marks along the sidewalk, you love playing at the park and in the sandbox, you love bubbles and swinging and playing in the water. Oh how you love the water. You could stay in the pool all day if we let you! You still love everything trucks and cars, but in the last few months, you have found a new obsession -- buses. You love school buses, city buses, tourist buses, all buses! It's adorable how you say, "buuuuusssss!" every time you see one. You are still an avid reader, and regularly grab books and plop yourself on our laps and say, "read." Your favorite books right now are Little Pookie books and any book with cars and trucks, of course! You love playing with stickers and climbing on everything you can. You are on the go all day long!
If I had to name one ultimate goal in raising you, it would be that you would grow up to be kind. Of course I want you to be smart, and handsome and athletic and brave, but above all else I want you to always be kind. And I can absolutely say that you already are such a sweet, gentle and loving little boy.You say please ("peas") and thank you ("hank ooo") often and occasionally say it unprompted. You share your toys very well with other kids, and are very sensitive to your own and others' feelings. Sometimes, you come up to me and quietly say, "snuggle?!" and bury your head in my shoulder. You have such a big heart for such a little boy. It's the most amazing thing to watch.
You are also still quite the talker. You talk a lot. You love to name objects and animals as you see them all day long. It's not unusual for me to hear you in the car saying, "bus! doggie! plane! car!" And I just smile. You are also still so curious. Everything you see you want to know what it is. You shout, "oooh wha dis!?!" and you don't stop until we explain whatever it is.
And in the eating department, well we have made some big progress! You still love all your regular foods (avocado, plain pasta, fruits, cheese, tomatoes, etc.) but you've also expanded your palette in the last few weeks. You now eat waffles for breakfast, you love bell peppers, and you eat mac and cheese -- hot!! You are also mastering the use of the fork, and boy are you proud when you get that fork in your mouth with some food on it. It's adorable.
While the last few months have been predictable, routine and really smooth overall, there have been a few challenges that we have faced as we do with every phase. You have entered a pretty intense fear stage where certain people (usually men with beards or hats) and certain things (vacuum cleaners, blow dryers, etc.) cause you to cry uncontrollably and bury your head into me. In the last few weeks, you have made huge progress though and I think you're starting to slowly overcome some of these fears. It's all very normal, but it's sad for me to watch.
You've also discovered that you have opinions and you like control, which means you have learned how to throw a tantrum. Sometimes you get very frustrated with me and just yell at the top of your lungs because that's the only way you know how to communicate with me that you are mad. Sometimes you flail yourself on the floor and I just have to walk away until you calm down enough for a hug. Luckily, you listen well and generally recover quickly from these moments, but it's not to say they are fun or easy.
The last challenge we are battling is kind of funny because it really just shows how smart you are. You see, you've realized that when you throw Mo out of the crib when it's time to go to bed, Mommy or Daddy will come in and give him back to you. So this nightly ritual has become a fun game for you. You only do it once or twice, but you do it every single night. Thankfully, once you fall asleep, you are still a rock star sleeper. These days you fall asleep around 8:00 pm and wake up around 7:00 am. You nap from 1:00-3:30 and sometimes 4:00!
Campbell, it's impossible for me to write down how much I love you. It's impossible to describe to you how full you have made my life. Our days together aren't always glamorous, and they aren't always exciting. But, Buddy, they are the best days of my life.
I love you to the moon and back, always and forever.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, April 11, 2013
ATL
Let me just say this, if there is an Academy Award for expert traveler, Campbell should start writing his acceptance speech.
You see, Michigan made it to the Final Four last weekend and my super fan husband decided to fly down with his buddy for the game on Saturday. They stayed with my sister and cheered on the incredible Wolverines Saturday night.... and we won! Michigan made it to the championship for the first time in years! Obviously, I was bummed that I wasn't there for so many reasons, but it was still such an exciting win!
Rick called me on Sunday morning, with barely a voice at all, and told me Cam and I needed to get on a flight and come down for the championship game. So we did! With two hours notice, I packed us both up, got to the airport (thanks to my dad!) and hopped on another flight with my little man. I was so stressed about the whole thing, but it turned out great. If you remember this post, you can imagine I had severe anxiety about an outburst from Cam and a stranger attacking me about it. But, Campbell was a champ traveler and did an amazing job! We made it to Atlanta without a glitch and the weekend was so fun.
It was basically a Campbell and Michigan love fest. Candy (aka CaCa in Cam language) was so gracious to babysit for us so that Rick and I could attend the game on Monday evening. Though we didn't win the game, they played a tough game and we had a lot of fun!
Thank you again, Rick and Candy, for making the weekend so memorable and fun.
Because I'm kind of obsessed with iMovie right now, I put together a small video of our Atlanta Adventures. Enjoy!
You see, Michigan made it to the Final Four last weekend and my super fan husband decided to fly down with his buddy for the game on Saturday. They stayed with my sister and cheered on the incredible Wolverines Saturday night.... and we won! Michigan made it to the championship for the first time in years! Obviously, I was bummed that I wasn't there for so many reasons, but it was still such an exciting win!
Rick called me on Sunday morning, with barely a voice at all, and told me Cam and I needed to get on a flight and come down for the championship game. So we did! With two hours notice, I packed us both up, got to the airport (thanks to my dad!) and hopped on another flight with my little man. I was so stressed about the whole thing, but it turned out great. If you remember this post, you can imagine I had severe anxiety about an outburst from Cam and a stranger attacking me about it. But, Campbell was a champ traveler and did an amazing job! We made it to Atlanta without a glitch and the weekend was so fun.
It was basically a Campbell and Michigan love fest. Candy (aka CaCa in Cam language) was so gracious to babysit for us so that Rick and I could attend the game on Monday evening. Though we didn't win the game, they played a tough game and we had a lot of fun!
Thank you again, Rick and Candy, for making the weekend so memorable and fun.
Because I'm kind of obsessed with iMovie right now, I put together a small video of our Atlanta Adventures. Enjoy!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Spring has Sprung!
It's April and that means Spring is here! For us in Chicago that means we've broken the 40 degree mark and we are outside all day. We spent the entire weekend outdoors and it felt amazing.
I put together a short little video of Campbell's taste of these first days of sunshine. Hope you like it!
(Click the link below)
Monday, April 1, 2013
On Compassion
Confession: I am a perfectionist. With perfectionism comes the fear of failure. It's a vicious cycle of self-criticism, over-sensitivity and the inability to let go of what others think. I have a particularly hard time shaking negative comments, judgements, or arguments than the average person.
On Friday evening, Rick and I took Campbell out to dinner with our friends and their daughter. We went early to a loud, family-friendly place where we've been many times. Cam wasn't a perfect angel by any means, but Rick and I took turns entertaining him, walking with him, and feeding him. I don't love eating out with my little man right now. He doesn't sit still for long, he's testing his vocal abilities, and he's just generally unhappy if he's confined for too long. So maybe we shouldn't have taken him, but we did.
At the end of our meal, as we were getting ready to leave, I was approached by a woman who verbally attacked me in a way I will never forget. Maybe because it's the first time a stranger has every talked to me that way, maybe it was the harsh words she used to describe my parenting, or maybe it was the shame and humiliation I felt as I listened to her criticize my beautiful baby. I shook and cried so hard, right there at the restaurant, that the rest of the encounter is pretty much a blur.
After a long shower, a few teary phone calls and a couple glasses of wine, I went straight to the computer to look up this particular blog entry I remember reading a long time ago about negative comments and criticism. I remember reading it because it really applied to me. One quote in particular that Kelle alluded to from Bill Cosby struck a very deep chord: ""I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
Well thanks, Bill, because you nailed it on the head. I have been a people-pleaser since I can remember. It's who I am, and I've tried to embrace it, but I'm pretty sure if I keep it up, I am going to fail at everything I have worked so hard to succeed at. I know it is physically impossibly to make everyone happy. I know I can only do my best. My parents have been telling me that for decades. But for some reason, I still try. And try. To be honest, I will probably always try, and I will probably always care what others think. It's something I'm working on.
But, on Friday night, as I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, I made a promise to myself, and I expect all of you to hold me accountable. To focus only on trying to please the people I love. Am I doing my best to meet their needs? To make them feel loved? Do I try hard enough to make them happy? Because really, they are the only ones who matter. The only ones.
My point in writing all of this is not to evoke pity or comments from others telling me what a "great mom" I really am or what a "crazy nutcase" that woman is. (Trust me, I know now that this was not about me at all, instead it was about her.) I'm writing because it's therapeutic for me and because I want to remember how awful this made me feel so that I don't do the same thing to someone else. Additionally, I hope to ignite a little compassion among the rest of us. Perhaps a little more compassion would have prevented her from feeling the need to project whatever issues she's dealing with onto me. Maybe she hasn't felt compassion in a long time. Maybe a little compassion is all we really need.
So while I will continue to work on not taking strangers' opinions so personally, I hope the rest of you will help spread the compassion. We never know what someone else's situation is.
Go forth. Spread the love, friends.
On Friday evening, Rick and I took Campbell out to dinner with our friends and their daughter. We went early to a loud, family-friendly place where we've been many times. Cam wasn't a perfect angel by any means, but Rick and I took turns entertaining him, walking with him, and feeding him. I don't love eating out with my little man right now. He doesn't sit still for long, he's testing his vocal abilities, and he's just generally unhappy if he's confined for too long. So maybe we shouldn't have taken him, but we did.
At the end of our meal, as we were getting ready to leave, I was approached by a woman who verbally attacked me in a way I will never forget. Maybe because it's the first time a stranger has every talked to me that way, maybe it was the harsh words she used to describe my parenting, or maybe it was the shame and humiliation I felt as I listened to her criticize my beautiful baby. I shook and cried so hard, right there at the restaurant, that the rest of the encounter is pretty much a blur.
After a long shower, a few teary phone calls and a couple glasses of wine, I went straight to the computer to look up this particular blog entry I remember reading a long time ago about negative comments and criticism. I remember reading it because it really applied to me. One quote in particular that Kelle alluded to from Bill Cosby struck a very deep chord: ""I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
Well thanks, Bill, because you nailed it on the head. I have been a people-pleaser since I can remember. It's who I am, and I've tried to embrace it, but I'm pretty sure if I keep it up, I am going to fail at everything I have worked so hard to succeed at. I know it is physically impossibly to make everyone happy. I know I can only do my best. My parents have been telling me that for decades. But for some reason, I still try. And try. To be honest, I will probably always try, and I will probably always care what others think. It's something I'm working on.
But, on Friday night, as I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, I made a promise to myself, and I expect all of you to hold me accountable. To focus only on trying to please the people I love. Am I doing my best to meet their needs? To make them feel loved? Do I try hard enough to make them happy? Because really, they are the only ones who matter. The only ones.
My point in writing all of this is not to evoke pity or comments from others telling me what a "great mom" I really am or what a "crazy nutcase" that woman is. (Trust me, I know now that this was not about me at all, instead it was about her.) I'm writing because it's therapeutic for me and because I want to remember how awful this made me feel so that I don't do the same thing to someone else. Additionally, I hope to ignite a little compassion among the rest of us. Perhaps a little more compassion would have prevented her from feeling the need to project whatever issues she's dealing with onto me. Maybe she hasn't felt compassion in a long time. Maybe a little compassion is all we really need.
So while I will continue to work on not taking strangers' opinions so personally, I hope the rest of you will help spread the compassion. We never know what someone else's situation is.
Go forth. Spread the love, friends.
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