#LosingIt

I'm losing it. Actually, I already lost it yesterday and haven't found it yet so I guess we can say I am currently still losing it.

It's been a rough few months in our house. Not newborn rough, or toddler tantrum rough, or even financially or family drama rough. It's been medically rough and life circumstance rough. And yesterday, I hit my max and just let the tears flow. Writing it down is therapeutic, and I do want to remember this stormy period because I know someday I will look back and say to myself, "I can't believe we made it through this!!" Because we will make it through this. So, let me back up and start from the beginning. I'll also throw in some random adorable pictures because that just makes any post more fun to read :)

Before Teddie was born, life was stressful. We listed our condo for sale, sold our condo, bought a house, renovated a house, moved, started preschool for Cam, and started a new life in a new town and new neighborhood. Okay, fast forward to Teddie's birth (which was surprisingly quick and not stressful), we welcome our beautiful tiny baby girl. Because she was so small, we had to supplement in the hospital, get regular blood sugar draws and be crazy vigilant about feedings, which weren't going great. She then fails her hearing test. Okay, we deal and I'm only a little stressed. Until the doctors tell us they won't discharge us from the hospital because she has a potential life-threatening adrenal gland problem. They run a few tests and let us go because she passed the life-threatening stage, but we have to go back for more blood work and tests the following days, weeks and months ahead. She is now an established patient at an Endocronologist who is following her care, she's being monitored and she's okay. Fine, hurdle overcome and we move on.

A couple weeks later, Rick is on a work trip for two nights and my mom stayed with me to help with the kids. I decide to go take a shower (cue bells and poms poms!!) and as I step in the shower my knees buckle, and I can't move. Mom takes my temp, it's high. I start shaking and she promptly packs both kids in the car and takes me to the ER. Diagnosis: mastitis. Rick flies home, I get antibiotics, hurdle #2 overcome.

Fast forward a few more weeks, Cam's getting used to having a sister at home, I'm getting use to managing two kids, taking Teddie to a bagillion doctor appointments, etc. I get a really bad back pain one night and call out to Rick to come get Teddie from me. I knew exactly what it was -- kidney stones. I've had them before and will never forget that sensation. I take some meds, get in a hot bath and try to work through it. I have a rough night, but I feel marginally better in the morning and decide to just chug water like it's my job so I can pass it. Ten days later, I'm still in pain and my mom finally convinces me to go to the doctor. I see my urologist... (side note: I had to bring Teddie with me and she fell asleep as I was rocking her waiting for the doctor. They needed a urine sample. I peed in a cup, wiped, flushed and washed my hands all while holding her and not waking her up! Ninja Mom!) My urologist comes in the room and says, "Impressive!" My stone is 12 mm large (the biggest one I've had to date is 5 mm. Anything over 5 mm requires surgery). Doc sends me straight to be admitted into the hospital (all while my mom is getting on an airplane and my sisters are dealing with their own crises). I have surgery and stay in the hospital for two days. My supply tanks, and I decide not to fret about trying to get it back and thus begins the end of my nursing relationship with Teddie. Hurdle # Whatever overcome.

Oh and while this is all happening, my grandmother passed away, my sister's dog was attacked and died, and my other sister's house flooded.

We went apple picking last weekend! 

Ok so we overcome all of that, and we're still dealing with Teddie's small size and I'm constantly taking her in to have her weight checked to make sure she's gaining and not falling off her 2nd%ile curve. Cam is doing well at camp and school and having a great summer. He's made some great friends, and their moms have taken me under their wing and been so sweet and helpful during all this crap. Feeling lucky at the moment!

Then school starts and Cam gets a cold on Day 1. Then Teddie gets the cold and then I get it. After two days of feeling like crap, I decide to take Teddie in to the doc because her fever isn't breaking. Doc says she may have a sinus infection, but she's really fine. Except she hears a heart murmur so we need to go see a cardiologist. Okay, then.

Call cardio, drive home, and storm comes. Power goes out. I'm struggling to breathe and feeling really sick, ask Rick to come home. He arrives, I'm really struggling to breathe, inhaler isn't working so I go to urgent care. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I end up in the ER and then ICU for two days in respiratory distress from an asthma exacerbation. Rick moves into our parent's apartment in the city with the kids because we have no power in our house. I'm released from the hospital and go home with ten different medications to take, a follow up with a pulminologist and a nasty hacking cough.

Sickly snuggles

That was two weeks ago. Just this week, we had Teddie's appointment with the cardiologist. Turns out she has a small hole in her heart (Atrial Septum Defect) and a narrow valve (Pulminary Valve Stenosis). The hole will hopefully close on it's own by age four. The valve is a tiny more concerning, but as of now we are not doing anything. We go back in December to see what has changed and will evaluate then if she needs a procedure to fix it.

I just want to eat her.

Oh and Maizey has had the "runs" for a week.

So there you have, it. Yesterday was the last straw as Cam's school told me he needs to come in pull ups now since he keeps pooping his pants. I left school, called Rick and cried one of those therapeutic cries that felt so good. I just needed to let it go. My mom took Cam for the night and I got in bed at 8:00 last night. Today is a much better day. I know so many people have it so much worse, so I really don't mean this to be a whiny complaining post (though maybe it's turned into that already!). Mostly, I'm just tired. And I feel like we can't catch a break.

So, instead of dealing with our problems, we are going to run away from them! Rick and I finally purchased our tickets for a belated anniversary trip to Anguilla in November. We are staying at a fancy resort where we will eat, sleep and do nothing at all. I. Can't. Wait.

First day we needed to wear a hat!! 

First time in a swing!! 

I'm so glad it's Friday, and I'm so glad the sun is shining. It has been GORGEOUS here and we have been taking advantage of the Fall weather. Planning to do more of the same this weekend, snuggle these babies and enjoy some birthday parties for Cam's friends. Onward and upward!

First Day of Preschool

Well, today was the day. The day I have been equally looking forward to and dreading. Cam's first day of preschool. I have been so excited because he's so excited and he loves school. He loves his friends and the toys and the routine. It is so good for him and he thrives at programs where I'm not hovering over him. But the first day of school means another year has flown by.  Another Summer gone, another notch on the Growing Up Belt. He's just getting so big so fast. No more diapers, no more tears when I leave him, he even tells me not to sing songs because I'm annoying him. He's three going on thirteen.

But man did he have a great day. He didn't even want to say good bye to me when I dropped him off. Found the trucks, found his buddies and he was off. I'm so glad he loves school and I am so glad he's become confident and independent enough to have fun without me there! I LOVE his teachers. The best way to describe them is cheerleaders from heaven. They are pure saints with so much spunk and energy, they make me want to be two years old and in preschool. He is going to have the best year, and I'm so happy for him.

Here's to a great year in preschool, Cam. I hope you make new friends, make lots of messes and make wonderful memories!

Teddie: 5 Months

I have been pretty bad about recording Teddie's development on this blog. I'm keeping a baby book with all her milestones written down, but it's nice to be able to write anecdotes and put pictures with the stories...

Teddie turned 5 months old on August 26. I took her to the doctor for a weight check because she's dropped a few feedings at night (with some help from us!) and I wanted to make sure she was still on her curve. She weighed in at 12 lbs. 4 oz (2nd %ile) and was 22 and 7/8 inches long (5%ile) Our little peanut is still petite, but she's not lacking in personality!

This kid is all smiles all the time. It takes some effort to make her laugh, but she is just such content and happy baby. It is such a treat to go get her when she wakes up in the morning and she's all smiley and giggly. She is so laid back and really goes with the flow, which I am oh-so-thankful for. It's hard being a second baby, but she doesn't mind being toted around all day and loved on a little too aggressively by her brother.

Her schedule these days looks something like this:

6:30-7:00 am -- wake up, eat (usually 4 oz)

8:30ish -- nap

10:00 -- wake up, eat (4-6 oz)

12:00 -- nap

1:30 -- eat (4-6 oz)

3:30 -- nap

4:30 -- eat (4-6 oz)

6:00-6:30 pm -- bedtime (eats 4-6 oz at bedtime)

Of course, if she wakes up at 6:00 am one day, then everything gets pushed up, but it generally falls into place around these times on a daily basis. And if we're not home for one of her naps, she usually cat naps in the carseat until we get home and she can get in a good nap in her crib. And, now that Campbell is starting school on Tuesday, our schedules will be changing as Teddie will have to nap in the car seat even more than she does now. Oh well, so is the life of the second child.

On the milestone front, it's worth noting:
-- rolling over from stomach to back
-- sleeps with one arm swaddled in her crib
-- sucks her thumb!
-- makes lots of noises, and "talks" but no definitive consonant sounds yet
-- loves to play with her hands and feet
-- loves bath time
-- has quite the grip
-- thinks Cam is hilarious... she's enamored with him
-- is much happier sitting up (assisted) than lying on her back these days

Teddie enjoyed her first Michigan Game Day this weekend, too!

She is such a doll and has truly made our lives so much sweeter. It boggles my mind that she's only been with us for five months because I can't remember what life was like before her. I know that is so cliche, but whatever, it's true!

My Not-So-Secret Secret

I've been thinking about writing this post for over a year and a half. That's a long time. But every time I began to write, I'd hesitate. I'd delete a sentence or two that seemed too vulnerable or I'd cringe and the thought of family and friends who read this blog judging me. It's taken me a year and a half to write these thoughts down and share them because when I chose to confess what I'm about to confess, I wanted to be sure I did it in a way that was educational, respectful and empowering. So here it goes.

When Campbell was a newborn, I suffered from a pretty debilitating case of Post Partum Depression. That's my secret.

The reason I titled this post "Not-So-Secret" is because in the last two years since I've recovered from the ordeal, I've been pretty vocal to my close family and friends about what I went through. Most everyone I love knows that I suffered greatly. They know I sought a therapist. They know I was on medication (and still am!). They know all of this because sharing what I went through and explaining my behavior and thoughts is one of the ways I was able to heal.

I want to share with you, my bloggy friends, because I hope that if any of you are going through something similar or know someone who is, that you will find the help you need and can look at me as an example that it does get better. And you will want to have more babies eventually :)

So, here's my story.

Anyone who knows me, knows I've always wanted to be a mom. It's my nature to nurture. And I love babies. So when I got pregnant, you can imagine how ecstatic I was. And then the panic set in. Maybe I should have seen that as red flag #1, but I am pretty sure every new preggo panics a little when the reality of a baby sets in. The problem was, for the first trimester I was in serious denial. I didn't want to talk about it with my family, didn't want to think about purchases. Didn't want to discuss names. Nothing. I just didn't want to think about it. Then the excitement crept back in, and at 33 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and put on bed rest. I was induced at 37 weeks and gave birth to a beautiful boy who weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and had a full head of blonde hair.

My birth was actually really pleasant and peaceful. I pushed for almost three hours but I was not in pain. I was talking to my OB and Rick the whole time. It was really lovely. When they put Campbell on my chest and told me to do skin-to-skin with him and try to nurse him, I pretty much froze. I had no idea what to do. It makes me so sad to say this, but the thoughts in my head were more like, "OMG what do I do with this baby?" instead of "OMG I love him so much!" I did not feel that instant bond. I did not feel a sense of overwhelming love. And that made me feel awful.

Cam was a difficult baby. He didn't latch on and we struggled with our breastfeeding relationship from day one. He was colicky and cried non stop. He was impossible to soothe, and I felt like a failure because I couldn't calm him down. I never knew what he needed because nothing worked. He cried when I fed him. He cried when I rocked him. He cried when I bathed him. He just cried all the time. He  never slept which meant I never slept. I was exhausted and emotional and couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. Because as far as I knew, I was doing something wrong. It was my fault that hew as a tough baby and I couldn't fix it. Red flag #1.

I cried all the time, too. Rick came home from work, and I cried because I was so happy to have someone to help me. When my mom started packing to leave after staying with me for two weeks after the birth, I cried. She didn't leave, needless to say. She stayed for three more weeks. I cried uncontrollably. Now granted, I am a crier in general, so it wasn't that out of the ordinary to be crying so much, and everyone told me it was normal hormonal changes. Red flag #2.

Then I started having panic attacks. They usually came on at night time. Right as bedtime would roll around, my heart would start to race, I'd start to doubt myself about what time we should be putting Cam to bed, how long to feed him, bath before or after feed, swaddle or no swaddle, etc. I would start crying and tell Rick I couldn't handle another night of being awake every hour. Often, he would hold me tight and let me cry and then I would go back at the soothing process. I think the panic was mostly because I never knew what the night held -- would I be soothing a crying baby all night alone or would he sleep for a couple hours? I've only had two panic attacks in my life that I can remember, and they both involved the death of a loved one. So panic attacks were red flag #3.

Which leads me to sleep. One of the biggest problems I had was not being able to sleep. I could not sleep even when Cam was sleeping. Even if my mom was holding Cam or Rick was going to do night duty, I could not sleep. I have never dealt with insomnia before, so this was new for me. It's also another major red flag for PPD.

Red flag #5: I lost all my baby weight and more within two weeks of giving birth. I've always had a difficult relationship with food, but normally, I am an emotional eater. Bad day? Get a pint of ice cream. This time, I couldn't eat. My mom would have to force me to eat protein bars because I would forget to eat. I had no appetite. So unlike me, but I was happy to be at my lowest weight in years!

Up until my six week postpartum OB appointment, I thought the feelings, fears and behaviors I had exhibited up to this point were pretty normal. I knew I didn't feel like myself, but everyone told me I was just being hormonal. When my doctor (whom I adore) walked into the exam room, I burst into tears. Literally she didn't even say hi, and I just started crying. Her reaction was, "Okay, let's talk." And that we did. She immediately did some screening tests and diagnosed me with PPD as soon as I described my symptoms. She also knows my family and personal history of anxiety and depression, so it was pretty much a no brainer for her to come to the conclusion that I needed some intervention.

At that point, I started seeing a therapist who I credit for bringing me out of my very dark place. At first I went to therapy twice a week. I often would bring Campbell with me because I didn't have childcare options. My therapist taught me strategies to come down off the ledge when I would start panicking. She encouraged Rick to get involved in my recovery and I was very open with him after every session and told him how he could help me. He was on constant "watch" to see if I was slipping back into old ways. He worked just as hard as I did to help me get better, and I give him a lot of credit for sticking with me through this. I can totally see how a colicky baby + a depressed/anxious wife would lead to some serious marriage problems. I am so lucky I have Super Husband.

Needless to say, after about two months of therapy and medication (and Campbell coming out of his colicky state)... I felt like a new person. I came out of isolation, took Cam to music classes, met friends for play groups and started socializing with old friends again. And the bond and relationship I now have with my son is stronger and better because I'm healthy. Luckily, he doesn't remember those early months. And fortunately, he hasn't been affected by them because I sought help.

When I got pregnant with Teddie, I was petrified with going through the same emotional ordeal. I made different choices during this pregnancy and postpartum experience and it is like night and day. I have LOVED this newborn phase. Granted, she wasn't colicky, but she was still a baby and it was still hard. She cried and needed me and I was running on zero sleep while also tending to a toddler. It was hard. But, I slept when she did. I ate and socialized and kept any worries/fears in check.

And how do I know I'm truly recovered?? I am already thinking about when I can realistically have Baby #3. Call me crazy, but this is my calling. It's not a perfect story, but it's my story and I am so glad I've lived it.

Potties and Regressions

I have no idea who's still reading this blog, but there are some momentous occasions to document!

First, the little mister is officially potty trained. It happened really quickly and unexpectedly, and it's gone so much smoother than I ever imagined. Many of Cam's friends have started wearing underwear and after spending a week up north with his older cousins, Cam came home very interested in the potty. He told me he wanted to wear underwear and after a few days of resisting, I finally took him to Target and he picked out some adorable little undies that make his tush look so delicious. I seriously squeeze it all day long. The first day, he had two accidents but was so motivated to pee all day long. He wanted those M&Ms! Second day, he had one accident, but was more resistant to going. It's been over a week and a half now, and he's had two accidents (only pee). He's really good about holding it in when he needs to (car rides, trips to the store, etc) and really good about just going to the bathroom when he feels he needs to. I'm so impressed. And I do not miss those diapers!

Day 1: Pottying outside and scooting in our underwear! 

Plus, he just looks so cute in underwear. I squeeze his tush all day.

On the baby front, we've hit a serious sleep regression here. Teddie is almost 5 months old, and after traveling to NYC, a cold and the dreaded 4 month growth/leap I have heard about, we have entered what feels like the newborn days of sleep. I'm talking waking up every three hours to eat. Then, it turned into waking up every hour to be soothed. That lasted about 4 nights before we were losing our minds. We tried a little sleep training, and it worked in helping her fall asleep right away. Her problem is staying asleep. It's been pretty brutal, not gonna lie, but I do know this is temporary. I know she won't be waking up every three hours forever. I know this. (I wrote this a few weeks ago, since then we took a break from sleep training and started again last night. It went better, and hopefully she'll get the message in the next few nights. Her napping is still great and she still falls asleep right away, so I'm thankful for that!)

We tried the Magic Merlin Suit... it didn't do much. So now we've moved onto the one arm swaddle in the crib. It's working much better. (We moved her from the Rock N Play to the crib about two weeks ago as she is way more mobile than Cam ever was a this age and it was becoming unsafe!)

So, I just dress her in really cute PJs (courtesy of Mimi) and hope she enjoys looking fashionable while she cries it out.

Thank goodness these babies are so cute, it really makes it all worth it when they flash you those smiles. 

A few other firsts to document:

1. Cam's first nap in our bed. Ever.

He's a creature of habit and loves his crib and his sleep sack, so this was monumental. I really enjoyed cuddling with him and he slept really well. Don't be fooled... we went straight back to the crib the next day. I am not ready for a big boy bed!

2. Teddie's first dip in the pool! The weather has not cooperated with us this Summer and I feel like we missed out on some good pool days. But we finally got in the water and had a blast!

I still can't believe it's almost been 5 months of life with two. It's flying too fast for my liking, and I'm already talking about wanting another one. What's wrong with me!?!?

Day in the Life: 2.5 years and 3 months

I really enjoy reading about other people's typical days. I also am kind of mad I don't have more records of what my days looked like with only one baby. I bet I had so much free time! (Yeah, right!) Anyway, here's what a typical day looks like in our household. On this particular day, it was a Friday, the one day a week we have no scheduled activities (no camps, no classes, no appts).

5:00 am -- Teddie wakes to eat. I feed her a bottle and put her back to sleep

6:00 am -- Teddie stirs and needs to fart/get her paci back. Rick takes over

7:00 am -- Rick brings me Teddie who is still really squirmy but half asleep, so I hold her until she wakes up for good around 7:15

7:15 am -- Teddie and I hang in the bedroom, then head downstairs. Change her diaper, put on dry clothes for her (she's a big spitter!!)

7:30 -- Rick gets Campbell and brings him downstairs to hang out with me and T. I'm drinking my second cup of coffee, Cam is playing with his new pizza set from Mimi, and Teddie is in her swing.

7:45 am -- both kids want to eat. Cam gets breakfast, T gets a bottle. Tidy up the kitchen, empty dishwasher, sweep the floors and wipe down counters. I put a load of laundry in.

8:30 am -- I put T in the carseat to snooze because we are going to leave the house around 9:00 am to head downtown. Get myself and Campbell dressed.

9:00 am -- load up the kids in the car and head to Mimi's apartment downtown to say hi. We hang with her and Allie comes by to say hello, too!

9:30 am -- Teddie is awake once we arrive at Mimi's so I feed her

10:30 am -- we head to the zoo across the street from Mimi's apartment. Cam loves the tractor at the farm, so we play and hang around there. Cam eats a snack in the stroller and Teddie nods off.

10:50 -- Teddie falls asleep in the stroller

11:30 -- T is up again, and eats again!

*(she's been catnapping more frequently when we are out and about, but she normally takes a great long nap in the middle of the day when Campbell naps, too!)*

12:00 -- get in the car and head back home. (T screams he entire drive home. Campbell makes me play Let it Go on repeat. Fun times!)

12:30 -- home and Cam eats lunch. I feed Teddie the rest of her bottle (I have to force her to finish bottles during the day or she won't get enough to eat! She's definitely NOT my daughter when it comes to eating!)

1:00 -- both kids are ready for a nap. I wrap Teddie in her swaddle me, put the paci in and place her in the swing. She's out within minutes. Campbell goes upstairs, we read a story together, put on his sleep sack and he's in bed. He is not going to sleep though, he's singing and talking and playing with his stuffed animals. I fold laundry, wipe down bathroom counters, sweep the floors and sort through mail/emails.

2:30 -- Cam finally passes out. This is VERY unlike him. He normally falls asleep instantly. He told me his tummy hurt in the car, so perhaps he's not feeling great.

3:40 -- Teddie wakes up and gets a bottle.

4:00 -- I decide to wake Cam up because if he sleeps much later he won't fall asleep at bedtime. He wants a snack and we play in the living room/outside on the patio while Teddie practices tummy time.

4:30 -- Rick comes home early as a surprise! I fold some laundry and entertain T while Rick and Cam play together and take Maizey for a walk.

5:00 -- Teddie is getting tired (as am I) so we snooze together on the couch while Rick and Campbell play in the basement.

6:00 -- T is awake and gets fed again. Cam gets dinner, too!

6:30 -- I get dressed and ready because we have a babysitter coming! Rick and I leave for dinner with another couple for the evening.

10:00 -- We get home. (Wild ones we are!) Cam was in bed at 8:00. Teddie was awake when we got home so I fed her and put her to bed. Rick and I watch an episode of Breaking Bad (we are officially addicted.)

3:00 am -- Teddie wakes up to eat. She eats for about 10 minutes, then goes back to sleep.

5:30 am -- T wakes up for the paci. Pop it in, and she's back out.

7:00 am -- up for the day... and we repeat everything above.

Right now, at 3.5 months, Teddie is sleeping through the night (9-5) a few nights a week. Some nights she wakes up at 3 am to eat. Some nights she needs the paci. It's really not consistent. Given the fact that Campbell was waking 8-10 times a night (no exaggeration there) at this point, I'm considering ourselves very lucky that we only have to feed her once or max twice a night.

I really feel like I've got a good routine down with both kids. I'm lucky that Cam is great at entertaining himself right now. I'm also lucky that Teddie is generally a happy baby and I can leave her for short periods of time when Cam needs me. The only thing I really am trying to work on is getting home cooked meals prepared more regularly. Right now, I'm able to plan/shop/cook for about 3 days a week. Rick and I both agree that it's going to take a bit more time for me to figure it all out (without any help to watch the kids, running to get a couple of eggs or something last minute is not easy!) Nevertheless, we are making it all work and somehow, we aren't just surviving right now. I'd say we are thriving.

So that's what our day looks like in general. I look forward to more regular nap times and early bedtimes, but for now, I'm taking it all in stride and trying to continuously remind myself that "the days are long, but the years are so short!"

Life with Two

I think the last time I wrote, we were two weeks out from moving into our new home. My how time has flown. And my, how difficult I've found it to write down anything on this blog. But, still, even if it's once every three months, I'd like to document our life so I can look back. So, here it goes!

We moved into our new house on March 7. It was the most chaotic, stressful move I've ever done. 37 weeks pregnant. With a toddler. And a dog. And a husband. Whew! But we did it. And we are so very happy in our new place. The dog has a yard to run in, the kids have a basement to play in, and I have a gourmet kitchen to cook in. (Let's be honest, though, there hasn't been a ton of cooking going on lately!)

On March 26, at 7:20 am (about 10 minutes before Rick leaves for work in the morning), my water broke. I was 39 weeks along exactly. We loaded the car with Campbell, Maizey (our dog) and battled rush hour traffic to the hospital as my contractions began to intensify. One hour later, we arrived downtown at the hospital where my mom and sisters met us. They took Cam and Maizey for us, then came back for the party. When I checked into triage, I was only 3 cm, but I was admitted as my water was broken and we were having a baby that day! So up we went to our room, and after trying to be brave for a couple of hours, I finally decided to get my epidural. I felt great afterward and was really just anxious and bored. I wanted that baby to come, but I was stuck at 5 cm for over 5 hours! At about 7:00 my epidural completely wore off on my left side. I mean I could feel everything and it was brutal!! So the anesthesiologist came in and replaced it for me, and said it would take about 20 minutes to kick in. Those 20 minutes were excruciating, but once it worked again, I started feeling some pressure. I told my nurse I needed to push and she assured me I wasn't ready yet as I had just been checked and was only 5 cm. I told her I needed to push and she said she'd get the doctor and see if she wanted to check me again. As the doctor strolled in (sadly, not my OB) she was smiling and asking me how I felt and I just shouted, "OMG she's coming out!" And, I was right. That baby girl just slid on out and the doctor had to literally leap to catch her. No gloves. No pushing. No nothing. I went from 5 cm to delivery within 20 minutes. It was insane! But at 8:12 pm, our little Teddie Diane was born.

She was 6 lbs 1 oz and 16 inches long (though I really think she was about 18 inches). She's a little peanut and her small size proved to make things a bit complicated at first, but she's been such a great baby! She's got the sweetest personality, loves to smile and coo and talk to anyone who will listen.

Because Campbell was such  nightmare as a newborn, Teddie has seemed like a breeze. Don't get me wrong, we have our hard days, but she eats and sleeps and only cries if she's hungry or tired or needs a good burp. I've never been unable to stop her crying, which is SO different than how Cam was. She was sleeping 8-9 hour stretches up until about 10 days ago when she got a cold. Last night she gave us an 8 hour stretch again, so we're hoping she's back on track, but truthfully, I don't really care. I don't find myself analyzing her eating and sleeping like I did with Campbell. I just don't have time. And I know how quickly this baby phase passes by, so I really am just enjoying it.

If there are moments in the middle of the night when I get frustrated that she won't stay asleep, I repeat the following sentence to myself, "It is a privilege to be rocking/feeding/snuggling this baby right now." And it's so true. I know so many people who wish they could be in my position -- awake at 2:00 am feeding a baby. And I am privileged to be able to do it. 

We've had the best summer so far. Tons of space in our yard to play outside, lots of play dates with friends, camp, sleepovers and BBQs galore! Our 4th of July was one for the record books. It was such a perfect day of family time, friends and fireworks.

Our days are chaotic. So very chaotic. But it's beautiful chaos. I look forward to 6:00 when Rick comes home, but I also don't find myself waiting at the door like a little puppy like I did when Cam was a baby. It's just so different. I am more confident, more in control of my emotions and thoughts, and just feel all around happier this time around. It has made such a huge difference to just be content with life at this moment, rather than wishing away the bad hours/days. This transition was so much easier than I ever thought it would be. I'm exhausted, but I'm not stressed out. We have really just settled into our new routine so smoothly, and I'm so grateful. Life is good right now. Oh so very good.

Our little peanut is now three months old. I plan to write a post about what our typical day looks like at this stage of life, but for now, here's a picture of the little beauty. Our TBear, Teddlesworth, Teddles, Tedderella... we love you more than you'll ever know. Now stop growing up. It's going too fast!!